Virtual Date Dilemma: Should There Be A Second Date?

When dating virtually, so many of the usual external first date factors are removed from your experience. Being in a virtual setting sometimes creates a disadvantage to knowing if there is chemistry between the two of you. So, should you even consider a second date when on-screen chemistry doesn’t spark right away?

To help you decide if date #1 warrants a date #2, we have a few questions you can ask yourself. Have I gathered enough information?

The purpose of a first date is to get to know each other, but as in any first date there’s only so much you can learn through a single conversation. As always you are going to have to trust your gut and keep an open mind when getting to know your date. The nice thing about dating in a virtual setting is that you have the ability to be 100% focused on your date.

So, unless something drastic occurs, you’ll definitely want to schedule a second date as it will give you more time to get an accurate “read” on each other. After all, there’s really no downside to agreeing to go out again! And think about it, a second date will create more excitement with possibilities of meeting safely outside face-to-face, masks and all. Remember you already have the initial “get to know you” conversations behind you, so now it’s time to see if sparks will fly.

Do our values appear to align?

When dating, we tend to focus on personality and chemistry—and of course, these matter a great deal—but we should also emphasize values. Simply put, when you and your partner hold similar value systems, doing life together is infinitely easier—you experience life from the same vantage point and ultimately have fewer things to argue about!

As you get to know someone, pay close attention to anything related to values e.g. time management, financial decisions, or how family relationships and friendships are prioritized. Dating in a virtual setting has allowed conversation to be front and center really getting to know more about what your date values. If, on a first date, you detect evidence of dramatically different values, then getting together again probably doesn’t make sense. But if you don’t, there’s no reason not to move forward with date #2.

How am I feeling during this date?

No matter if you are meeting in a virtual setting, or face-to-face, one of the most important questions to ask yourself is, “How do I feel with this person?” Normal nerves aside, do you feel fairly at ease with your date—at least as comfortable as you can be with someone you’ve just met? Again, the old adage applies—trust your gut. If being together makes you feel somewhere between so-so and pretty good, then planning to see each other again is a great idea. But if you feel extremely uncomfortable or you’re just plain not-at-all interested, listen to your gut—it’s telling you this person isn’t for you. In that case, skip a second date and move on to someone else.

Ultimately, the point of a first date is to figure out if you want a second one. Based on the suggestions above, unless you’ve discovered a flat out deal-breaker, value misalignment, or gut-level red flag, definitely schedule date #2! You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain!