The Impact of Success

Success - everyone wants it! We want success for ourselves. We want success for our friends and family. And when dating, singles want their matches to be “successful” or “someone that matches their success”.

Often we see singles defining success as the title of their job or salary earned, the value of their home, car or other material things. Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines success as "the fact of getting or achieving wealth, respect, or fame." This interpretation doesn't quite feel like it tells the whole story, does it? It feels more like an end result.

Yes, these are all quantifiable pieces of success, but there is so much more to success than money and things. Success can also be tied to one’s ambition and hard work, not to mention the quality of their relationships. And let’s be honest, what is more attractive than finding someone that excels in those areas too?

On the spectrum of success your relationship could start with you and your match in similar places, or at different ends. When dating if you like someone, it is important to be open minded and consider where they are on the spectrum and the potential movement in which they are heading.

There may never be a formal conversation about where each of you are in terms of success, but it will show up in a new relationship one way or another. For example, when suggesting an expensive dinner, experience or vacation. If you aren’t at the same place to afford these things it has the potential to be intimidating and create insecurities. The point is be mindful and use success to grow together, not create a divide….and here’s how!

Acknowledge success’

Success should always be celebrated. It’s interesting that when dating it can be an uncomfortable topic so it is avoided. Don’t let the success factor overshadow everything else you really enjoy about the person. Take a step back from the expectations you hold and the pressure you are putting on yourself to check a particular box. Start by allowing yourself to admire all they have worked for, as you would want them to do the same for you.

Remember, a relationship is a partnership. Therefore, creating ease in situations where you may not be equals, based on Merriam-Webster’s definition,is important. For example, if you offer to take someone on an experience that they financially cannot justify and you cover the expense- you are doing it because you want to experience and enjoy it with them, not to hold it over them. Never make it about the thing that is missing, rather, make it about doing it together. And if you are the receiver of this “gift”, yes, be appreciative of the time together rather than the money invested.

Communicating and acknowledging appreciation, strengths, success’ and what you each bring to the table, will ultimately build a stronger, more secure equal relationship.

Be ready to grow...together

The best thing you can do for your future relationship is to be each other’s biggest fan. When interested in someone, take an active interest in their passions. Creating a relationship environment where you are cheering each other on through every aspect of life will create confidence that you are in this relationship together. Meaning their wins are your wins too!

The more you engage in the things that they enjoy, the more support they will feel - and vice versa. Keep in mind, success for everyone looks different, so don’t let the overarching term place insecurities or doubts in your head. Growing together is the goal; to achieve the goal focus on mutual support for personal achievements, equality and respect as partners. Then you can begin to grow together by sharing in each other’s successes and accomplishments.