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In today’s world of instant gratification, most daters surveyed have a one-and-done attitude. These singles are looking for that magical night out with a companion who sweeps them off their feet and who offers an instant connection and immediate chemistry. They are seeking charm and excitement.
I totally get it. Who doesn’t want a fairy tale?
Unfortunately, these daters are missing out. In my many years as a dating coach, I have come to realize that it’s the “sleepers” you should be watching for. What is a sleeper? Urban Dictionary will tell you that a sleeper is an outwardly common looking item that possesses something special or unique inside. In dating, I would describe a sleeper as a someone who may appear reserved, or even unexciting on a first date, but who offers important characteristics of great depth that shine through upon deeper observation.
Take it from me: I have my own “sleeper” success story. On our first date, he definitely embodied that strong, silent (emphasis on silent) type! As it turns out, still waters run deep. I gave him a second chance, and as I got to know him his finer qualities began to shine through. Today, I couldn’t ask for a better partner.
When dating, you have to define your priorities. Do you want an exciting date, or a partner to build a life with? If you are just looking to explore and have some fun, that one-and-done thing might work well for you. And that’s OK! But if you’re seeking that partner who is a careful listener, who shows good judgement, who will pour you that glass of wine and listen to you after a long day at work….you should probably give that perfectly nice person you had coffee with last week and immediately forgot about another chance. Put in the extra time to truly get to know them, and you may just find a diamond in the rough.