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So you’re a single parent, and you’ve decided to date. And we’ll be honest: dating as a parent presents different challenges and scenarios than dating without children.
Are you ready?
Healthy dating begins with self-examination. Smart singles examine their motivations for dating, i.e. fears. Are you dating to find a partner, or are you driven by the fear of your children children not having a second parental figure? Are you in a positive place in your life, or are you just lonely? Are you approaching a future relationship with a positive attitude, or are you masking unresolved hurt (e.g., after divorce) with a new relationship instead of dealing with your feelings?
How to start:
Begin by engaging in “What if?” conversations with your kids. Even before dating, single parents should begin a series of conversations with their children that ask, “What if I began dating? How would you feel?” Each dialogue is both an assessment (How are my kids feeling about these possibilities and realities?) and intervention as it prepares them for what might happen. Smart single parents don’t let their children’s emotions dictate their dating progress, but they do listen and give serious consideration to how the children are feeling. Becoming a couple is up to you; whether you become a family is up to them.
Honesty is key
In dating as a single parent, honesty is always the best policy; be up-front about being a parent before you even set-up a date. But remember, you are a multi-faceted person. When describing yourself, mention that you have a child or children who you love, but don’t neglect to mention the other parts of your life that are also important to you. Dating is the one area of your life that isn't about what your child wants, but about what you want.
Limit the Introductions
Just like you don't tell your kid everything, you don't have to introduce them to everyone.
This doesn't mean you can't ever introduce your child to Mr. or Ms. Right or that you have to sneak around like a high schooler. Just wait until it really seems as if the relationship is serious and stable. Many kids form attachments very easily and should the relationship not work out, the abrupt departure of someone they like could be hard on them and could also make it harder to introduce them to someone new.
Ease Into “Meeting the Kids”
Depending on the age of your child, you’ll be the best judge about when the time is right to introduce your kids to your new boyfriend or girlfriend. A great way to ease into it would be to introduce your child to the new person in the child’s own environment. Have the new boyfriend/girlfriend over for something enjoyable, like a casual pizza party. The kids will feel more comfortable in their own home and might enjoy bonding by showing the new person their stuff.
Are you a non-parent dating a single parent?
Be flexible! Keep in mind that a parent’s schedule is not really their own. Communication is key to any relationship, especially those involving single parents -- so be clear with your expectations too. And remember, once things get serious, you’re not just dating the person… you’re dating the family.