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When we’re dating someone new, most people go through a honeymoon phase. Both parties are usually on their best behavior and our new love interest seems pretty perfect. But no one can keep this up forever and over time, bad habits or warning signs may begin to appear. At first we’re likely to give him or her the benefit of the doubt, thinking “Everyone can have a bad day now and then”. But eventually, less-than-desirable traits may appear, and we have to wonder….am I dating a jerk?
Some warning signs are obvious - like he’s always checking his texts or she can’t stop talking about her ex -- while others may be harder to spot. Below are a few subtle—and not so subtle—red flags.
Actions Don’t Match Words
This is one of the biggest red flags that your love interest may be a jerk. Good partners will always follow through on what he or she tells you they’re going to do. If he says he’ll call you, he will. If she says she’ll meet you for coffee, she will. And if your date can’t, they will let you know why -- and won’t leave you trying to figure out what happened.
They Don’t Treat You Like a Priority
We all want to feel desired and wanted, especially by the person we’re seeing. So if your date only schedules plans with you at the last minute, or totally goes off the radar for days or weeks at a time, that's a bad sign. You want to date someone who makes you feel important—not someone who only wants to hang when he or she’s bored.
They Treat Other People Poorly
This one can sometimes be subtle -- or not. Your date may be a ‘jerk’ if he or she isn’t as kind to everyone else as they are to you. Let’s say he takes you to his favorite restaurant and his meal arrives cold, so he blasts the poor waiter with his anger, or worse he takes you to his favorite restaurant and gives a poor tip or doesn’t tip. A kind person knows things can go awry and often gives someone a chance to correct it. If your date is rude to the guy behind the ticket counter, she’ll eventually be rude to you too.
They Talk Only About Themselves
No one wants to date a narcissist. But it’s often hard to spot them at first. Jerks will constantly talk about themselves and will rarely let you get a word in. You may think that they are getting to know you when they ask questions, but those “questions” mostly lead back to their own experiences or thoughts on a subject. Ask yourself if your partner truly listens when you speak and doesn’t try to turn it back to themselves.
They’re Too Flattering
Who doesn’t like to be complimented? You could be awesome, but someone who is overly complimentary right off the bat might simply be manipulating you. Their goal is to get your guard down so that you’ll overlook some of his or her negative traits. Accept honest compliments for what they are, but be wary of over-flatterers.
So, what is the best way to dump your date if he or she is a jerk? Do it promptly and with honesty. Anything that has to do with ‘feelings” should be handled over a phone call or face-to-face. If you're not into that person anymore, get up the nerve to say it directly to them, even though it’s uncomfortable. Never dump by text. It’s smarter and classier to pick up the phone or meet with them in person to talk it out.