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ASK JOLENE
Q: Jolene, why am I not meeting anyone that I want to date on my own? I have tried online dating but it feels like a lot of effort with very few actual dates. I've also told all of my friends that I am serious about finding a relationship, but I haven't met anyone through them either. I feel as though all of the good men are taken. - Jennifer, 41, San Francisco
A: Men tell me the same thing every day. Are all the good women taken? NO! There are great singles everywhere. Here is the main issue: dating online is too much about the texting, emailing, and shopping around. There are a lot of quality single people there - but because there's a certain disconnect to interacting online (i.e. no real dates or face-to-face conversation) it is easy to drop the ball if one gets too busy or distracted. You are much more likely to keep pursuing something if you have had real-life interaction with this person.
Meeting someone through friends is great. You can usually walk into a date knowing that you have a certain amount of interests (or people!) in common. Unfortunately, our friends don't usually know enough single people to be of much help, and you occasionally end up going out with your friend's awkward cousin Larry who is "also single!".
That being said, I would approach dating from multiple fronts. Continue to online date because nice people are out there! When doing so, I suggest you keep your "online" interaction (i.e. text, email, etc) to a minimum and instead try to plan an actual date so you can get to know one another face to face. Also, keep asking your friends - you never know who they may meet, even next week, that could end up being a good match for you. In addition, hire a professional matchmaker! True connection is not determined by a series of checkboxes and working with a matchmaker can help you meet quality singles with common interests outside of your social circle.
Q: Jolene, what is the best strategy for a successful first date? -John, 52, Chicago
A:
My #1 piece of advice: have FUN! No matter the outcome, you are meeting someone new and anything is possible.
Keep the date short. It should be long enough to determine if you want to see this person again but not so long that the mystery is gone. We recommend an hour.
When you are on a first date, stay away from long term thoughts and deal breakers. Your only question should be, "would I enjoy talking to this person again?" Much more will be revealed on a second date than a first date as people are relaxed and are more likely to show you their truer selves.
While getting to know someone else, you often learn something about yourself as well. So even if you are not interested in seeing this person again, you have still gotten one step closer to finding your match. Love truly is a numbers game!
Q: Jolene, do you have any advice on making myself more attractive to the opposite sex? - Casey, 34, Cleveland
A:
Smiling is sexy! Be positive on your date and avoid any negative topics. The first three dates are not the time to complain about your job or vent about your ex.
Keep your focus on getting to know the other person. If you make someone feel amazing in your presence, they will seek you out and find you to be pretty wonderful as well.
Put effort into your appearance. Determine what your best assets are and highlight them. Take the time to make sure your grooming is on point, and choose attractive, clean/pressed, and up-to-date attire. Don't forget scent!
Be a pleasant person to be around - in voice, thought, appearance and conversation!